The Relationship Between Parents and Children
Understanding the True Desires of Your Children
Our home is a very important place. It is not just a shelter or a place to return to
everyday. A real home is one where the children of God develop and learn about life.
During their growing years, children watch their parents and through this experience they
learn about love love for their family, love for their country and eventually love for all
of humanity. It doesn't matter very much what kind of furniture it has or even where it is
located; what is essential is the spiritual atmosphere within the home. Is this a place
filled with peace, harmony, love and trusting minds or not? Are the parents concerned
about what their children sincerely want and need or only that they are quiet and orderly?
Dr. Taniguchi likens raising children to growing flowers in the garden. We never
attempt to grow lilies on a rose bush, but instead we discover what kind of plant we have
and do our very best to nurture that plant in the way it was meant to grow. Every plant
has its own preference for sun or shade, the right temperature, moistness, soil, and
climate. As good gardeners we try to maximize these conditions and nurture the plant so it
will grow robustly. How much more important it is to nurture the growth of our children.
What can we do for a child who is so full of life power that he just cannot sit still,
and help him harness this power in the right direction? This is a very important question.
"In the right direction" means to help the child utilize his life power
constructively. First, find out what the child's inborn talent is. In other words, find
out what the child is good at and then guide him to use this overflowing life power in
what he does best. It does not matter if he does not do well in the beginning. It is good
to praise him. Use the power of the word. When you praise a child, he will happily grow in
the direction in which he is praised. When you do this, he will stop playing destructive
games and will happily use his life power more constructively. Then the child is on the
right path. However, it is not good for the parents or others in the family to force the
child to do anything based on their own lofty interests which are beyond the child 's
natural capability. As long as the child is using his life power in a constructive way,
let the child grow in the direction nature has meant for him, even though it may be in
conflict with the parents' interests.
The talent given by nature has the backing of the Universal Life. One'.s life grows the
most when it is in accord with the universal law of life. When one tries to grow in a
direction other than where his own natural talents lie, thinking of a better job or other
worldly concern, he is not living by the law of life. There is a profound purpose in some
people being given talent A and others being endowed with talent B. When we live by our
given talent, we are in harmony with the grand scheme of God who created heaven and earth.
Revere life and put your faith in God . There infinity starts to grow. No matter what
it is, when the child's innate talent is discovered, put all your effort into helping him
develop it. Make it convenient for him. Praise him. Encourage him so that he will happily
engage himself in his work and play.
Do not think of growing a rose on a white lily plant. The purity of the white lily is
its own beauty. A rose also has its unique beauty. Don't you recognize this in the white
flowers of the sycamore or in the reddish-purple flowers that bloom on a Japanese blush
clover whose place cannot be taken by any other plant p Regardless of how small the
flowers may be, they are better than any artificial ones. The beautiful clothes worn by
King Solomon at the height of his prosperity and power were no match for the natural
little flowers that bloomed in the fields. Needless to say, man's genius, which is supreme
among all creation, is far grander than any talent that is not divinely bestowed.
With this aim in mind, we must always strive to maintain a bright, cheerful attitude
filled with love. This is like sunshine to a plant which causes it to grow quickly and
strongly. No matter how much you may criticize others, particularly your children, it does
not help them to change. It has a similar effect to a windstorm which only damages the
plant or stunts its growth. People become as we perceive them to be. Sadly, in a study
conducted among prisoners, it was discovered that over eighty percent were told as
children that they would end up in prison someday. Being critical and finding fault has no
value in solving problems and only worsens relationships and causes disharmony.
How much more effective it is to be loving rather than judgmental. Perhaps we should
follow the model of the father in a book written by Marjorie Wilson. This father would not
blame anyone in his family for anything. Instead, whenever there was a problem, he would
call the family together, and not one word of criticism would cross his lips. He would ask
each member of the family, "What can we do to resolve this problem?" While
discussing the matter in a peaceful atmosphere, the one who was responsible for causing
the problem sooner or later would acknowledge his or her fault in the matter. The family
became ever more loving towards each other and all the children grew up to be worthy
adults.
When we finally let go of the idea of having our children, other people, things or
circumstances be a certain way and instead focus on discovering the underlying perfection
that God has already provided, the mists of delusion lift and our world is filled with the
sunshine of happiness.
by Bruce Mallery
